Massachusetts Divorce Mediation FAQs

The duration of the mediation process varies based on factors including the substantive issues that participants agree or disagree on, the relationship dynamics between participants, each spouse’s motivation and engagement level, and the complexity surrounding family income and assets.  For a complete rundown on the factors effecting the length of divorce mediation, check out Nicole Levy’s blog, How Long Will My Divorce Mediation Take to Complete?

Mediation is far more flexible than litigation, which requires at least one party to file a Complaint for Divorce (or modification or contempt, etc.) in order to commence the process. It often works best to initiate mediation before either party starts litigation, but parties routinely enter mediation midway through litigation with great success. For more coverage surrounding mediation timing, check out Carmela Miraglia’s blog, When Should You Start the Divorce Mediation Process?

Being prepared for a mediation session is the best ways to make sure it goes smoothly. If you are not prepared for a session, it can prolong the mediation process and increase costs over time. A lack of preparation can also frustrate your spouse and could increase the stress levels. If being unprepared becomes a habit, the mediation process can sputter, making the others stakeholders doubt the non-performing individual’s commitment.

Typically, a mediator will finish every session with a summary of what was accomplished and what will be covered in the next session. This often includes a checklist of information and documents that you will need to provide in the next session – basically a homework assignment for the next session. While this often proves helpful for subsequent sessions, it will not help you prepare for your first session.

For your first mediation session, it is often helpful to have a complete list of the assets that you own (or you think you might own). This includes bank accounts and retirement funds, real estate, vehicles, and valuable personal belongings, as well as anything else that might be valuable, plus all of your outstanding debts. Financial records relating to you or your spouse’s income are also helpful, as is a list of your recurring expenses. School records relating to your children, or specific child-related costs, can also be helpful. Together, these records can give all involved a sense of a couple’s current lifestyle and flag potential conflicts or sources of discussion to be ironed out during the subsequent mediation sessions.

Finally, it is helpful to reflect on your goals for the future before the first mediation session begins. Having an idea of the outcomes you are seeking after the divorce is complete can help you negotiate more effectively and helps the mediator prioritize issues.

The best time to start mediation is whenever you and your spouse each feel ready to start mediation. This can come at any point during the divorce process. You can start going to mediation before you and your spouse have finalized your decision to separate. Or you can pursue mediation after filing a Complaint for Divorce. The key is that both spouses needed to be ready. Many former spouses mediate post-divorce issues after the divorce is finalized.

In general, spouses who start mediation early on in their divorce tend to find that they get better results from the process. When spouses attend mediation sessions early, they can identify which issues are going to be contentious from the outset and can work to find mutually satisfactory resolutions before either spouse becomes too emotional or entrenched. If there is already animosity between the spouses when mediation starts, it can make it more difficult for the mediation process to move things forward in a productive way.

You can start the divorce mediation process right away, without any court filing. You may also start even if you or your spouse have filed papers with the court.

We work with people who are seeking to avoid the trying court process by filing an uncontested divorce or agreed upon stipulation. We also work with people who have filed, but are now exploring other options. Indeed, sometimes mediation is recommended to people who have filed for divorce, or are in the middle of a case! The mediation process is flexible to accommodate couples who want to hit “pause” on their divorce litigation while searching for another solution. It is not unusual for spouses who have hit an impasse when negotiating a divorce agreement through lawyers to try mediation to break the deadlock.

For people who have not filed, there is no need to do so. The Massachusetts Probate Courts have a process to enables couples who have reached an agreement to submit their agreement and paperwork in a single court filing.

Mediation can begin as soon as both spouses are ready. The initial meeting allows both spouses to get an idea of how mediation will work and get a briefing of the process. After the initial meeting, the first session can be scheduled as soon as possible and/or convenient for the spouses. Maybe you and your spouse decide you each need two weeks to process and gather information – maybe you decide you both want to meet and discuss the issues immediately, building on the momentum of the initial meeting.

The mediator will offer her thoughts regarding a successful schedule, but what it really comes down to what is best for you and your spouse. We offer flexible meeting times, and if necessary, can meet outside the office.

The duration of a specific mediation is largely a function of the motivation level of the spouses. If spouses are eager to complete their divorce quickly, the mediator is generally able to accelerate the process to a few months (or even weeks). Motivation is not the only factor, however. The need to obtain and review extensive financial records or address complex financial issues often requires the spouses and mediator alike to slow down to ensure that complex issues receive sufficient attention and emphasis. If one parent has recently left the home, spouses will often slow the mediation down before finalizing an agreement to allow the children to adjust and to try out new parenting schedules. Emotional barriers, including anger or a spouse’s desire to reconcile rather than proceed with a divorce, may need to be addressed before spouses can proceed to substantive issues such as parenting time, child support or alimony, or the division of marital assets. Lastly, if each spouse reviews a mediated agreement with an outside attorney, additional time may be needed to allow for the attorney’s schedule and the resolution of any final details.

Each mediation is unique, so there isn’t a standard answer. The timing depends on the number of issues, their complexities, and whether there is an agreement on any of the issues. Couples come to mediation at different stages in the divorce process, and the duration of a particular mediation will often depend on how eager the spouses are to complete their divorce and the degree to which they enter mediation with a clear idea of the main issues they agree on.